Fun and Games
by t3h maniac
Summary: Yuffie's got a little suprise instore for Reno when he least expects it. It'll help with his singing tune though. Rated M for nakedness. RenoxYuffie, one shot no more!
1. Chapter 1

**A little Reffie one shot to pass the time. I should be updating all my other fics (I have about 8 that need updating) but this idea popped into my head first and its first come, first written. Its why one-shots exist.**

* * *

It seemed that damn near everyone she shared a place with sung in the shower. When Yuffie was staying over at the Seventh Heaven both Tifa and Cloud sang and what was weirder was that Cloud could reach the higher pitches.

Now she was staying with her red-headed lover it was the perfect opportunity and no longer an annoyance.

For too long she had been waiting for this chance since the idea formed in her mind. Reno could never reach the high pitches, so she was going to help him.

Once she heard the familiar sound of the shower being turned on she crept over towards the bathroom. Making sure he was fully occupied with trying to sing "Living on a prayer" she dived in and tip-toed over towards the toilet.

Now all that needed to happen was for Reno to reach the chorus.

"We're half way there…" He sang, his back turned to the rest of the room. Yuffie took the opportunity, and flushed.

"Whoa-OH!" He shrieked. The Wutain ninja fell backwards laughing at the Turk's all too sudden change in pitch. "YUFFIE!" He shouted, fumbling to turn the water off.

When she had got over her fit of the giggles she instantly dashed out of the door, soon followed by her naked and very angry roommate. The chase led them all around the apartment. counters were vaulted over, sofas were used as impromptu barricades. Reno's scowl lessened as the chase went on whereas Yuffie's grin just grew.

It finished in the bedroom where Reno finally got a hold of Yuffie and in a scream, tackled her onto the bed.

"You know babe, if you just wanted early morning sex, couldn't you have just done what normal people do? You know, strip then grab my ass." He asked, spotting a sly little smile on her features and guessing her intentions.

"That's cliché Re."

"And flushing the toilet while I'm in the shower isn't." He said sarcastically.

"Much more fun though."

"What the fuck am I gonna do with you?"

"I dunno, continue to drip all over your side of the bed so your sleeping in a giant wet patch tonight?"

Reno sprang off from the bed as Yuffie broke into another fit of giggles at his reaction, it was time for some revenge. "You know Yuffie, its your turn in the shower now." He said with a wicked grin.

She squealed as Reno dived to grab her, the chase was back on it seems until Reno finally got a hold of her leg sending her down to the ground. She used her hands on the ground to give a base to try and flip Reno over her bed the extra momentum caused her to roll with him, their bodies ending up in a pile in the doorway. "Okay I'll take a shower. but Only if you have one with me Reno."

"You got it babe." He said with a wink.

"Perv." Yuffie said, shaking her head.

"Hey so are you." He said defensively.

"And you love me for it." She said, leaning down to kiss Reno on the cheek.

"Damn straight."

**

* * *

**

Ah. Reno/Yuffie is a nice pairing to write when your creatively drained I find. The two are both insane. Joking, they just seem to mesh so well together don't you think. Don't forget to review.


	2. until someone gets hurt

**Until Someone Gets Hurt**

**So I decided to turn this into a multi-chapter thing instead of a one shot. Its an antidote for my crippling writers black which has nothing to do with the fact I've been playing Team Fortress 2.**

**On that note, does anyone need a team medic? I'm trying to get the achievements.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Reno or Yuffie**

**--**

It was not as it were a normal night for Yuffie and Reno. The two after being quickly zoomed around on Yuffie's motorcycle were now in the emergency room, she was pressing an ice pack to her lovers face to try and stop the swelling under his eye as blood dripped down his nose.

"How's that feel?" She asked as sweetly as possible, still maintaining some of her child life innocence from having the mind of what Reno suspected was at times a 3 year old and at other times a complete pervert. They worked well together.

"A little better, thanks Yuffie." He said, trying to cover up the nasal tone in his voice.

"Its okay Reno, sometimes these things happen."

"What like you punching me in the face? Coz if so, I want out." He said motioning to the door but with a smile on his face.

"It wasn't that hard…" Yuffie said dismissively.

"Then how come we ended up here?"

"You had it coming."

"Did I?" He asked, confusion taking over.

"Don't you remember what happened?"

"…" Reno lost himself in thought trying to remember what happened 15 minutes ago.

--

"_RENO!" Yuffie shouted, storming out of the bathroom with her hair in a mess, a pair of jeans in hand and a very pissed off expression._

"_What's up Yuff? And why are you trying to stare a hole in me… this time?" He asked trying to see if there were any sharp, throw able objects nearby. The coast was clear._

"_Why? Because someone in this apartment can't be assed to pick up his damn clothes and leaves me to trip over them, sending me on a collision course with the ground."_

"_Well if you weren't in such a hurry to get them off me in the first place…"_

"_Oh no Reno, not this time. Learn to clean up after yourself. Period."_

"_Speaking of periods…" Reno whispered to himself, or so he thought._

_--_

"Totally worth it." He said, smirking awaiting proper treatment

"Fucktard." She said punching him on the arm, playfully this time.

"Hey. I'm injured here." Reno said defensively, rubbing where she had punched him.

--

**Aww, they're cute even when they're hitting eachother over the head with sticks.**


	3. Its A Trap!

**It's a trap!**

**This one is kind of based on a conversation I have had myself and it shows one of the main perils in watching Japanese Anime (apart from having fan girls ruin decent songs in AMVs). And if you can guess what its about already then you watch it way too much.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**--**

Contrary to most peoples opinion of the couple, Yuffie and Reno's relationship wasn't all about fighting, sex, more fighting, pranks, a lot more sex and the occasional visit to the emergency room. Sometimes the planets would align and they'd be hit with weird space radiation which causes them to behave in a normal manner. I am exaggerating of course but the things I had listed above do account for over 50 percent of their time together.

This time the two had managed to settle down around 9pm snuggling on the sofa watching some of Yuffie's Wutain anime collection.

"Yuffie?" Reno began, tilting his head towards the young ninja slumped against him.

"Yeah?" She said back, trying to work her way into a more comfortable position on the Turk.

"Would you hit me if I told you I'd hit that?" He said gesturing to a person on screen wearing a form fitting purple jumpsuit with blue hair dropping down to his/her shoulders

"No." Yuffie said, smirking slightly.

"Wait, why?" Reno asked confused, to say Yuffie was a jealous type would be saying a furnace was hot.

"No reason."

"Then I'd hit that." Reno said not noticing Yuffie trying to hold back the giggles.

"If you ever do, take a video of it." Yuffie said looking up into his blue eyes with her best attempt at an innocent smile.

"Okay, now you're starting to freak me out here. Why would you want video of me sleeping with another girl."

"Who said anything about that. He's a guy."

"Say what?!" Reno said his eyes going wide as he looked between his lover and the character back and forth.

"He's a guy." Yuffie said again, seeing as he didn't seem to get it the first time.

"But… but… she has boobs. They're small yeah, but they are still boobs! And the face! No way in hell that's a man face."

"Reno…"

"Does this mean every time I stare at one of these characters chests I have to make a note to check for any large bulges now?"

"Reno… you're bi. What does it matter to you anyway?" Yuffie asked, stopping him in his tracks.

"I'd still like to know the gender of who I'm screwing beforehand." Reno said defensively

"So you can remember whether or not to bring the lube?"

"Ha freaking ha Yuff."

"Its true though."

"No. Maybe… okay fine you got me." Reno confessed.

"You still like to bring the lube even if it was a girl." Yuffie said teasingly.

"Yuffie?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Okay…" She said, smug that he couldn't come up with a counterargument that wasn't a barefaced lie.

"…" Reno remained silent, his eyes drifting to another one of the characters, this one had a large rack, there was no way to fake that right?

"IT'S A TRAP!" Yuffie yelled before falling on the floor laughing.

"AH! My ear, did you really have to shout that?"

"Umm hmm." She said taking the control box away from Reno's grasp.

"Give me the remote."

"No way, its mine."

"Give it here Yuffie!"

"Never!"

"Oh yeah?" He said, before diving down, tickling her sides. He didn't even know she was ticklish beforehand. But the way she writhed around laughing was a good indication that she was.

"EEK! Stop it!"

"Make me." Reno challenged her. She quickly put her lips to his, her tongue diving into his mouth with very little resistance. Soon Reno was kissing back their tongues dancing their own little tango before they both had to break away to take a breath.

"Um…" Yuffie said, after recovering.

"Bedroom?" Reno gestured.

"Yeah."

--

**Too many men who look like women in anime. It confuses me. Confused maniac is unhappy maniac. Review make happy maniac.**


	4. Foreboding

**Foreboding**

**Just another little idea of mine before I get cracking on the suggestions. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7, Reno, Yuffie or any other characters.**

**--**

"Oh my gosh! Really! He finally saw some sense. Better late then never but you could have done so much better, I mean I know Vincent's all Goth and he's god this weird obsession with a chick who's been dead thirty years and gave birth to the anti-Christ with the cute butt and the long sword, but… Seriously? Wow. I… damn. You have got to send me a picture of that. Oh come on! I'll pay for your next pair of shoes. Please?… You're no fun."

If there was one thing in life he would never understand, apart from the language of dentists and how more cowbell could possibly put out a fire, was how long women could bull-shit on the phone for and still not have to take a break. Seriously, what the hell was up with that? And they hadn't even started talking in depth about shoes.

He just had to thank his lucky stars that it was Tifa she was talking to and not Elena, then she'd run the phone bill through the roof.

"Are you sure? Great! I think I've got Saturday free… of course I have a job, its not like all I do is steal and have sex with my boyfriend. Hey I've been trying to cut down on the stealing and I'm head of Espionage for the WRO, that technically makes me his boss."

Reno shot up quickly having just caught the end of the conversation "Say what?"

"Okay, see you soon Teef! Love you, in a completely hetero way. Bye!"

"Yuffie, what was that last part?"

"Well I have to make sure no naughty fantasies about me and Tifa get in your head." She pointed out.

"They are now…don't distract me. What was that about you being my boss?"

"Well since the WRO has authority over Shinra, you're Shinra's sneaky group, I sorta have authority over all of you." Yuffie explained with a sheepish grin

"So does that mean you can get me more days off?" Reno asked.

"No."

"What kind of a boss are you who won't give an employee time off for sexual favours?"

"And how come your getting all this time to spend with me? You never seem to be at work."

"Claiming paternity leave… okay you got me there." Reno admitted.

"So all this time you've been saying I'm knocked up?"

"Yeah, the threat of setting a pregnant ninja on them has them all scared." Reno joked lounging back in his leather recliner.

"Um…" She began, trying to dig a whole in the floor with her toes.

"What?"

"I… guess I forgot to tell you, I'd run out of birth control pills."

"Very funny Yuffie, you've got to do better than that to scare me though."

"…last week."

"…" His eyes went wide in panic as he gripped the arms of the leather chair tightly while trying to control his breathing

"Reno, are you okay?"

--

The lovers ended up perched on the end of the apartments double bed, "Calm down Yuffie, just a few more seconds."

"You do realise you're speaking to yourself right?" Reno pointed out.

"This coming from mister, I claim my girlfriend's pregnant so I claim days off work!" She snapped.

"Its changing colour."

"Oh my gosh! … Its blue. I'm not pregnant." Yuffie said, sighing as her voice

"Well… I guess it's a bit of a relief."

"Yeah, but then I remember on when Marlene was smaller and I can't help thinking that maybe I'd like to hold a child in my arms, my own. I know I'm a clutz but still… there's part of me that just wishes that maybe, it would have gone the other way… you know? Reno? Reno? Fire-crotch?" Yuffie asked the air where Reno had been.

In the time Reno had said his line he had left the apartment and was now running in the middle of the road shouting "IT CAME OUT BLUE! SHE'S NOT PREGNANT! IT CAME OUT BLUE! IT'S BLUE!"

--

**Okay so I may have stolen the ending from Scrubs but I thought it was funny. Reviews make the world go round. **


	5. Old Habits Die Hard

-1**Old Habits Die Hard**

**Me (singing): Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me.**

**Reno: Just write the chapter already!**

**Me: Fine… I don't own him, and part of me that's glad for that.**

**Reno: Still here.**

**--**

It had been a long day, infiltrating a secret organization built upon the remnants of Scarlet's research into weapons development did not make life easy for Reno. What he really needed now was just to crash in front of some TV before working up enough energy to get something to eat. Or have Yuffie cook…

No. The last time Yuffie had tried to cook she had tried to speed up the process with fire materia. A bold attempt perhaps but one that left the bacon she was cooking as a small black lump, placed in between two slices of bread.

There are not many ways to cock up making a bacon sandwich but Yuffie found a new one.

Rest sounded good right now, something relaxing, like a massage, maybe with scented oil. From a very flexible ninja who's hands could… _Damn it. _Reno thought as he looked down, now he had something else that needed to be taken care of.

What he didn't need was for Yuffie to be really hyperactive at this moment. Which she was, as soon has he entered the apartment, the door giving a small creak, the Wutain princess bounded out of her hiding place.

"Hiya Reno!" She giggled as she tackled the tired Turk to the ground.

"Yuffie, I don't have the energy for this right now."

"Why not?"

"Because… you know what? Just get the fuck off me."

"Some ones grouchy today. Well see ya!"

"Yeah bye… have a good time at… wherever your going."

"Aren't you going to ask me where I'm off to?"

Not really having the energy to make a big deal out of this he sighed and played along "where are you going Yuffie…"

"Tifa's taking me out to see a movie. I'll be back before midnight, promise." She smiled, waving good bye as she jumped through the door, trying her best attempt at running along the corridor wall. So far her record was 50 feet before having to return to ground

"Coffee coffee coffee…" Reno grumbled as the caffeine deprived assassin manages to get to what was left of the kitchen. After finally making a cup and downing it he noticed something was different, he felt somewhat lighter, and nothing was rubbing against his left leg… where his wallet was kept inside a suit pocket "YUFFIE!!"

--

**Still stealing after all these years… shame on you Yuffie**

**Yuffie: But you Wuv me for it right? (super cute puppy-dog face)**

**Me: This concept of "Wuv" confuses and angers me!**

**Yuffie: EEK!**


	6. Shnookered

-1**Shnookered**

**Little continuation of the previous chapter, guess what Tifa and Yuffie were organizing?**

**Disclaimer: I own jack squat**

**--**

This was hell, he was sure of it. There could be no other way of describing what was currently causing his brain to pool out onto the floor.

Whoever invented double dates needed to be shot. Along with the guy who made meetings last for over half an hour.

So here he was, half drunk in a bar with a gloomy expression, while Yuffie and Tifa had been able to hold what was now… he quickly checked his watch… a two hour conversation. What the two were like on the phone were nothing compared to how they talked in person, and it was only getting worse the more alcohol they consumed. He was starting to act like Cloud, who was sitting across the table from him.

"So what's Cloud like in the sack?" Yuffie asked. The effect was instantaneous, all 3 other people involved spat out their drinks and gave Yuffie the 'WTF?' look. "What?"

"Yuffie, me and Cloud haven't…"

"Oh. Really? What about that time 4 years ago under the H-"

"So did you hear about Shera?" Tifa said quickly, before having to reveal what could be considered as too much information.

"What about her, she finally get tired of Cid's cursing, because if I was her there would be no way in hell I'd stand up with his mouth."

"She's pregnant."

"No fucking way!"

"I know! Isn't it amazing?"

Scratch the whole pooling the brains onto the floor. It had been pumped out of his head then bulldozed and purged with fire and salt. And no potential Yuffie on Tifa grinding after 5 more drinks could save it.

_Actually… _"Psst. Cloud." Reno whispered, the two ladies in a world of their own.

"Yes?" Cloud asked, possibly unconsciously.

"Got any… manipulate materia on you?" The assassin asked.

"Why?"

"So we can leave with some shred of sanity." He whispered hastily indicating Yuffie and Tifa, who were turning around to face them.

"What are you talking about?" Yuffie asked innocently.

"N-nothing… Guy stuff." Cloud poorly covered up.

"Y-yeah, cars and hoes." Cloud face palmed at Reno's addition.

"Ugh, men."

"I know I mean you know they're fantasizing about us doing it, you know?"

"Please, if he wasn't so fucked up in the head at the time, he would have tried to convince me and Aerith to kiss and make up back before meteorfall."

"Didn't y-" Yuffie began.

"No."

"Could have sworn…"

"No."

"Bu-"

"No."

"Okay then, nothing happened between you two, I get it." Yuffie conceded. "Okay, who's up for hitting the clubs?" Yuffie shouted enthusiastically, she wasn't in one of those 'take no for an answer moods'.

--

"This isn't soo bad is it Re-Re?" Yuffie slurred. The two were

"Guess not Yuff, but do you know how long you and Teef were talking for?"

"Enough for me to get totally Shnookered!" Yuffie said, pumping her fist into the air in victory before turning to look at the dance floor "Pfft… look at chocobo butt."

"What the hell is he doing?"

"The fuck should I know but…" She took another sip of her drink and pulled out her camera phone, complete with video function "Its going on the internet."

--

**I may have plugged one of my own fics here, if you can guess which one and which part plugged it. You win an undetermined prize!**


	7. The Perfect crime

**This little idea came from Mystic and follows on from one of the earlier chapters. So thank her for the idea. At least, I think it was her... I'm too young to have senile dementia!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing I tells you!**

**--**

It was the perfect crime. Yuffie had been planning this for all of… a day and a bit. It was all she needed to know what type of safe she was dealing with and any extra security that the owner had put in place.

Her objective? To crack a new prototype Shinra safe, supposedly unbreakable, located in the apartment of one of its most trusted employees, hidden as a wardrobe.

The prize? Well finding out was part of the fun. Plus it gave her an opportunity to wear that black cat suit that she had been dying to try on for months.

Breaking in to the apartment was easy, the lock proved to be no match for her, and I quote, "awesome ninja skills". She snuck into the apartment under cover of darkness.

Having memorized the layout she quickly made her way to the bedroom, the occupant was still fast asleep, _as he should be with that sleep weed I put in his mid-night snack. _Yuffie thought before checking her watch, 2 a.m. plenty of time.

The safe itself provided more of a challenge. It would be too noisy to try and drill it, so that option was out, the lock could be easily picked, the electronic lock was broken by a quick bolt spell. Nothing major, just enough to over-ride the lock mechanism but the combination was a bit more difficult.

She had to do it by hand but the safe had been muffled, it was impossibly to hear the tics of the safe by normal means, however, she was prepared for this.

A miniature microphone, small enough to work its way into the core of the safe on a bit of wire. This little gadget was put into the safe with the lock pick wire, she gave the dial an experimental twist. _Gotcha. _She thought to herself.

It only took 10 more minutes before the safe slid silently open, revealing a single piece of dark green materia.

Yuffie first checked for any traps inside the safe, just in case. When she found none, she quickly grabbed the materia to inspect it.

"Wait a minute… fire materia? Fucking cheapskates!" Yuffie shouted stomping her foot and throwing the magic orb against the wall. The lights switched on with a click. "Oops."

"Oops is right Yuffie. Caught ya now." Said a familiar, if slightly groggy voice.

"Going to interrogate me?" Yuffie asked slyly , turning around to face Reno, both of them with perverted grins on their faces.

"Maybe, lets see how talkative you are…now." He said, drawing her in close and pulling the energetic ninja onto the bed.

"You'll never break me!" She said in mock defiance.

--

**Hope you enjoyed that, how long has it been since an update here?**


	8. Bad Timing

**Bad Timing**

**So I updated this for the first time in a month. I have other projects currently in process and thinking up some more all the time. Looking at one of the lesser konwn games as fanfic potential, the one I'm thinking of I've already written one for.**

**Also those games help my "Games are art" cause.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that will get me any money.**

**--**

It was a piece of cake. Infiltrating a dangerous terrorist organization seemed to be getting easier. They were all too sloppy, important files without password protection, open recruitment, hiring people from an emergency staff clinic that happened to be used by the Turks to get close to any targets.

In the days of AVALANCHE it was such a close group running it that it took a big move to get any information on them.

Shoving any nostalgia aside Reno sneaked through dimly lit corridors towards the main office. The person in charge was supposed to be getting confidential information from an unkown source, there was a rumour going around that it was a former Shinra big-wig who disapproved of Rufus big time and wanted him out. Whatever the reason was, Reno had a man to kill and a laptop to collect.

As long as he kept silent no-one would notice.

_You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel_

_You and me…_

Reno silently cursed his bad luck and reached for his phone, who would have the stupidity to call him while he was on an important mission.

"_Hi Reno!" _Reno face palmed, of course it was Yuffie, he really should have checked the caller I.D first.

"Hey…baby." Reno replied, taking care not to use names.

"_Listen, could you get me something, I tried calling you at the Turkey farm but I couldn't get hold of you. So where are you now?" _She asked as Reno tried pulling out of the way to answer the phone.

"At work."

"_Then why didn't you pick up?"_

"No babe, _work_." Reno said, putting extra emphasis on the last word in the hope Yuffie would get the point.

"_Oooohh, _that_ work. Well could you still get me something on the way back?"_

"What do you want?" He said in a dejected tone, better to give in now than to have her pester him for another 10 minutes.

"_Could you get me some strawberries, and some cherries, lots of cherries." _She said, licking her lips on the other end of the line.

"Why Cherries?"

"_Because there yummy and because I want them!"_

"Whatever…" Reno hung up, this diversion had cost him valuable time and he could have sworn someone walked past him making a whip noise. He was going down for that.

Reno drew out his EMR and fired it up.

"Game time." He whispered with a shark like grin.

--

**Reno's Turk side coming out there in the end. But why does Yuffie want cherries?**

**Dun dun dun!**


	9. Dinner With The Folks

**Dinner With The Folks**

**How many in progress fics do I have that I haven't put on hiatus? Its got to be around 20 by now.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Its that nightmare that all men (who do have relationships that go to this stage) have to deal with, dinner with the potential in-laws. It didn't help matters if they ruled an entire country, and the father and daughter spent more time arguing than the boyfriend and girlfriend. Considering this was Yuffie and Reno, that's a lot of arguing there.

It also hadn't helped matters that Reno had knocked Yuffie up and she was waiting for the right moment to tell Godo.

_Well, better use the last moments thinking about that pillow fight between Aerith, Yuffie and Tifa that Reeve recorded while he was spying on them. Yeah… awesome…_

Reno's, shall we say; pleasant, daydream was interrupted by a sharp elbow to the ribs.

"Reno. Stop fantasizing." His lover hissed at him as a few servants placed food down in front of them. There seemed to be some sort of unofficial staring contest between the empror and the princess, one that made him worry about the contents on his own plate. Godo wouldn't try and poison any of Yuffie's boyfriends he disapproved of, would he?

Let's not go there.

"So how is your work at the W.R.O coming along?"

"Fine." Another awkward silence. It seemed like the individual awkward silelences when he set foot in Wutai seemed to have bred amongst itself creating inbred awkward sileneces which would find other awkward silences and continue to make more until someone said something that made him miss the silence.

"Have you two been engaging in any particular acts as of late." And there it was.

"WHAT?" Yuffie shouted at the top of her voice. Enough to make any nearby servant wince. Godo seemed to be immune to it.

"Merely asking, you do not have to reply."

"Well as a matter of fact we have, thank you very much! And I enjoyed every second of it for your information!" Her voise seemed to be growing impossibly louder and was staring not just Daggers, but shurikens, lightning and hand grenades at Godo. Who seemed to be impassive about it, apart from developing a nervous twitch.

"Mister Reno Sinclair, a word in private." Godo motioned to the Turk after Yuffie had stopped her rant, if only to catch her breath "I apologize for being so blunt earlier but it was necessary to test something."

"Test what?"

"She is pregnant, isn't she?"

_Fuck. _"Yeah…"

"That would explain why it took so long to get an outburst from her. Do not fret, I will not harm you for impregnating her. But if you cause her to cry, or are disloyal to her in any way, I will see your head on a pike at the top of Dao Chao." He said sternly.

"Hey, do I get a bit of leeway here? I mean she's already crazy with hormones so she could cry if I drop an apple or some shit like that." Reno asked, Godo shook his head. _Dammit, I shouldn't have to put up with this type of shit._

--

"It wasn't too bad for a visit was it?" Yuffie asked as the two left the manor, arm in arm.

"Yuff, you almost killed that guy who was giving us the tea." Reno pointed out.

"He was looking at me weird. Anyway, can you believe the fucking nerve of daddy? I mean just asking like that about whether we were bonking or not. Maybe we should prove just what exactly it is since he doesn't seem to have a fucking clue about it anymore."

"Yuffie."

"What? I'm trying to scar some ones mind here!"

"He knows you're pregnant."

Yuffie's expression sunk low, she barely spoke "He's… not going to do anything is he… disown me… for being a dirty little slut."

"Nah. Just a death threat if I make you cry." Reno said, trying to be supportive to his pregnant (and insane) girlfriend.

"Pfft. He'll have to get in line then."

"Wait, what? There's a line to kill me?!"

"Yeah, AVALANCHE called dibs if you hurt me."

"Why is it everyone we know is in-fucking-sane?"

"Because we are."

--

**I know I haven't updated in a while, I think the heat is getting to me or something. DARN YOU NON-TYPICAL BRITISH SUMMER!**


	10. Choices

**Choices**

**Well I've neglected nearly all my fics like some orphaned chimney sweep I suppose I'd better get on with it.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all. In respect to Final Fantasy VII you understand.**

**--**

Of all the choices that had faced Yuffie, this one had to be the hardest. Forget about whether to take a drunken Reno up on his offer or kick him in the nuts and let Rude haul him back to his apartment, more difficult than whether to cure a party member or finish off the monster first.

Food or Sex. The ultimate choice.

Her cravings were acting up once again but this time they also collided with another set of hormones which demanded that she make love to the red-headed Turk and not take "No" for an answer. The problem was when she made a move to do one the other set kicked up forcing her into a limbo state in the kitchen just a few metres away from the sacred chamber of yummyness known as Yuffie's emergency cravings fridge.

Pregnancy hormones sucked.

"You're lucky that you're already cute." She whispered, stroking her stomach gently. Sure the hormones conflicted and drove her insane but the end result would be worth it.

"Hey babe, what's up?" Reno asked, walking in to see the pregnant ninja curled up in the corner between cupboards.

"I can't decide what I want more!" She shouted, arms banging against the floor, Reno recoiled slightly. Sometimes people were landmines, only you never knew what set them off. It could be an inappropriate comment, or it could be a virgin's tear falling upon them on a warm yet rainy June morning. Reno hoped that all people were set off by the later. Apart from the kids (who don't count) there were hardly any virgins left in Edge.

"Whoa, calm down. What are you having trouble deciding on?"

"You or…strawberry ice cream." Yuffie confessed, eyeing her lover hungrily. Now he was here to add to the temptation of just ripping off his pants and let that take its inevitable conclusion.

"Why not have both." Reno suggested.

"Reno, the last time I tried eating with you inside me I puked my guts out."

"Yeah, we had to use 10 air fresheners in there after that," Reno reminisced, the shower sex after the two had cleaned off more then made up for that in his view "Well if its between me and ice cream, why don't you eat it off me beforehand."

"Bedroom or table?"

"Table, we don't want that stuff to melt. Just not so low down, its not that chocolate body paint shit we had months ago." He added, tearing of his shirt and lying back down on the kitchen table, waiting for Yuffie to finish her search for the ice cream and brandish the ice cream scoop.

_Fuck! That's really cold. Should have said bedroom._

--

**Short but I'm feeling very drained right now, 2 straight months off since the end of school and no job means my life's order has slowly deteriorated into a suspiciously warm mush. Got to get my act together for University now that I've been officially notified that I _am_ going.**

**Review if you want me to stop messing around and add lemons.**


	11. Warfare

**Warfare**

**An update? To this fic? Never.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

**--**

He was going to get her back for that shower prank, his throat still hurt slightly from having to go that high pitch. The question was how.

He found the perfect trick to play on her. When the ninja opened the door she would be greeted by a little surprise, and it wasn't a simple water bucket. But it had something to do with water.

He had wired up a trick floor panel so that it would rock back and forth, and he also had provided a musical accompaniment of the sounds of the sea, to top it all off he had Marlene draw him a nice blue sea picture to hold out in front.

It may mean the end of his shoes but she wouldn't be in any hurry to flush the toilet while he was in the shower ever again.

--

That was a long time ago but the memory was still fresh in Yuffie's mind, mostly because of the relationship between sea-sickness and morning sickness. She still had to get Reno back for that. She wouldn't be the only one in the apartment who would be hurling today.

--

"Hey Sexy! Dinner's ready!" Yuffie shouted from the kitchen as Reno opened the door immediately setting off his suspicions.

"Yuffie? Are you okay?" He asked, she never cooked for the both of them before, either they ordered take out, he did it or they made their own meals separate.

"Yeah, I just got the munchies and there was too much for me to eat on my own."

"Right…" He said, still not convinced. Would she poison him? Why? It was a coincidence that a pursuit wound up in a strip club yesterday, and how did she find out about it? Was she there herself? Is she Bi or something… _sweet sweet mental images, how I've missed you._

"You gonna eat or what?" She snapped, trying out her best death glare before turning back into a smile once Reno moved towards the kitchen area.

"Alright, no need to explode on me." He reluctantly put a forkful in his mouth, it didn't taste too bad after all, maybe the ninja could cook… _OH FUCK!_

Reno dashed for the bathroom leaving Yuffie with a smile on her face.

"Victory." She muttered before eating more of the non-tainted meal trying not to be off put by the sound of Reno blowing chunks.

Yeah… wasn't going to work. She ended up having to share the toilet bowl with Reno, one person's puking starting another.

--

**Let this be a lesson, there are no winners in war, not even Star Wars now that Lucas still thinks he has story making skills.**


End file.
